So You’re Dating a Red Flag in Human Form? Let’s Talk.

Okay bestie, sit down.
Take a deep breath.
Put the phone on silent (yes, especially if it’s him calling).

If you’re here, chances are you’ve Googled something like: “Is my boyfriend toxic or am I overthinking?”
Spoiler alert: If you’re constantly confused, drained, anxious, or crying more than laughing… you’re not overthinking.

You might just be dating a Smart Potato looks harmless, acts seasoned, but is low-key rotting inside.

Let’s break this down properly.

First Things First: What Does “Toxic” Even Mean?

“Toxic” is not:

He forgot to text goodnight once.

He doesn’t like your favourite show.

He needs alone time sometimes.

Toxic is:

🚩 Gaslighting you (“I never said that. You’re imagining things.”)

🚩 Making you feel guilty for having boundaries

🚩 Turning every argument into your fault

🚩 Controlling who you talk to or what you wear

🚩 Love bombing today, ignoring you tomorrow

🚩 Making you feel small, insecure, or “too much”

A healthy relationship feels safe.
A toxic one feels like walking on eggshells in heels.

If you constantly feel anxious instead of secure that’s not love, that’s emotional chaos with a cute profile picture.

Before You Break Up: Can It Be Sorted?

Let’s be fair. Not every issue = break up immediately.

Ask yourself:

Have I clearly communicated what’s bothering me?

Did he listen without getting defensive?

Is he actually trying to change?

Are actions matching words?

If he says:

“I’ll change” but does the same thing next week

“You’re too sensitive” instead of “I’m sorry”

“This is just how I am”

Congratulations. You are not dating a project. You are dating a warning sign.

You cannot fix a man who thinks he’s already perfect.

Read that again.

The Reality Check: You Deserve Peace

Love should not:

Make you doubt your worth.

Feel like emotional rollercoaster therapy.

Make you shrink yourself to keep him comfortable.

If you’re constantly adjusting, explaining, defending, proving, forgiving…
That’s not partnership. That’s unpaid emotional internship.

And babe, you deserve CEO treatment, not probation period love.

Okay… It’s Not Getting Better. Now What?

Here’s how you break up with your Smart Potato the right way.

1. Be Clear. Not Dramatic.

Don’t:

Send 8-page paragraphs.

Post cryptic Instagram stories.

Start a fight just to end it.

Do:
Be calm. Be firm. Be clear.

“I don’t feel respected in this relationship. I’ve communicated my concerns, and nothing has changed. I’m choosing to step away.”

That’s it. No TED Talk required.

2. Don’t Debate Your Decision

Toxic partners love negotiations.

Suddenly he:

Understands everything.

Promises therapy.

Writes emotional essays.

Calls you 27 times.

If you’ve already given chances and nothing changed, this isn’t growth it’s panic.

You are not required to stay just because he’s suddenly scared of losing you.

3. Expect Guilt. Do It Anyway.

You might feel:

Sad

Lonely

Guilty

Like you’re “being too harsh”

That doesn’t mean you made the wrong choice.

Growth feels uncomfortable. Peace feels unfamiliar at first.

You’re not breaking his heart.
You’re protecting yours.

4. Cut the Emotional Wi-Fi

If you break up but still:

Reply instantly

Meet “one last time”

Stalk his stories

Check if he’s online

You’re reopening the wound daily.

Mute. Unfollow. Block if necessary.

Healing doesn’t happen while you’re still emotionally subscribed.

But What If He Wasn’t “That” Bad?

Here’s the thing:
Toxic doesn’t always mean evil.

Sometimes it just means:

Immature.

Incompatible.

Emotionally unavailable.

Not ready for the kind of love you want.

And that’s enough reason to leave.

You don’t need dramatic trauma to justify choosing better.

The Plot Twist: You Glow Different When You’re Not Drained

After the breakup:

You’ll sleep better.

You’ll laugh more.

Your anxiety will reduce.

You’ll feel lighter.

And one day you’ll realise…

You weren’t “too emotional.”
You weren’t “too much.”
You weren’t “hard to love.”

You were just loving the wrong person.

Final Reminder From Your Internet Bestie

You are not here to:

Fix broken men.

Tolerate disrespect.

Compete for basic effort.

Stay because you’re scared of being alone.

If he’s draining you more than he’s loving you,
It’s time to upgrade your peace.

And trust me life is way too short to date a Smart Potato.

Now drink water. Fix your crown. And choose yourself. 

-Khzira Khan